13 March 2018
My night terrors seem to be getting worse. Slightly concerning because I take the same PTSD medication as soldiers. But I’m doing my best to push through it, just hope I don’t wake anyone up in the middle of the night. Traveling with PTSD is difficult, but that’s no excuse not to travel or work.
Mahjooba and I went to town with Sophie and bought some beautiful fabrics to make some traditional clothes from. Tomorrow we will take our clothes to the tailor and choose our designs. While buying fabric, I fell in love with a dress that was way too big for me, but I had a man take my measurements and sew it to fit me perfectly. I just could not leave without that dress. I love that there is a tailor on every street corner. He only charged me $1.50 to fix the dress. I gave him extra because he did such a lovely job.
After getting my dress, Mahjooba asked a Masai women where she got her ankle bracelets. She led us down the street to a section where several Masai women were beading beautiful necklaces and earrings. We both got our ankles binded, and I’m planning on leaving mine on me forever until a doctor forces me to remove it- just like every other piercing I’ve ever had.
I really wanted some ear weights for my stretched ears, just like the Masais, so they tried making a pair fit into my 00g ears. Unfortunately they were too big, and the metal sliced my ear open(er…). It was a dirty piece of metal so I’m an idiot. Me and my cultural expierences again…. My ear has been bleeding and pussing. No big deal. I’ve been layering hand sanitizer on it, cleaning it with bottled water, and Mahjooba held me down while spraying her perfume all over it. It’s the only alcohol we have. We’re girl scout material, okay? Tomorrow we’ll go to a pharmacy and take a look at it and get real medication for it lol.
After leaving the Masai women, Sophie and I got a pedicures at the daladala station.
Unfortunately my beautiful yellow nails were destroyed instantly because I forgot they weren’t dry yet. Oh well. Happens to the best of us. Mahjooba didn’t get her nails done, but her feet are still fabulous enough for the picture of our toes.
I had chicken, rice, and beans for dinner. There was so much rice that I had to wrap it up and put it in the fridge for tomorrow’s lunch.
Then I said something worded wrong and it was taken wayyy out of proportion. One of the men I know here was called a creep so I was taken back because I didn’t know he was the one who did it. There’s too many guys here with the same name. And I said was, “oh I wasn’t there when it happened” which was a fact. I was immediately accused of not supporting women who are harassed (has anyone even met me before?) Because I “questioned” him being called a creep by saying I did not witness it, and after me repeating that it was absolutely not even in the realm of what I meant, I left. As someone who has been raped, assualted, kidnapped, and mistreated, that was the worst thing you could ever associate me with. I even tried fixing it again over WhatsApp and apologized for miswording what I meant and that I would make sure those men would no longer be around us, I got snapped at, and then they said they no longer care about being around the creeps. Which was the entire subject?! “Don’t make decisions for us!” “Just because they’re creepy doesn’t mean we can’t spend time with them”. Literally what?? I can’t win.
After sobbing in my room for awhile, Mahjooba convinced me to stay and just continue ignoring how I’ve been treated. I’m blessed beyond words that Mahjooba is with me in Tanzania. I was looking for flights to leave tomorrow. It was worse than when I was called a dying cancer patient when I first arrived. But also do this terrible thing where I laugh about things instead of saying something because I’m so insecure and just wanna be cool, because I’m actually 15 in a 25 year old body.