There’s plenty of nosey people out there who wonder why I don’t share my boyfriend details with the world. Why on earth wouldn’t I tell anyone about someone I love? Why isn’t it “Facebook official”? Why are you hiding him?
I’m not hiding anything. In fact I’m pretty obvious when I’m in a relationship, I just don’t spell it out for you. You can ask and I’ll tell, but I won’t be shouting from the rooftops like my first boyfriend, or second, or third…
When I love, I love HARD. I go all in. But that’s different for everybody; we all love in different ways. Have you ever heard of the five love languages? We each give and receive different types of love. Here are the Five Love Languages:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Giving/Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
When it comes to MY love language, gift giving and acts of service are number one. Most people need “physical touch”, but after years of abuse and assault from so many different people, I have trouble giving out that love language. I definitely do try, but fail miserably. But I make up for what I lack in physical touch, by giving EVERYTHING.
It’s absurd and embarrassing how hard I love with the love I can give. I’ve done this time and time again, and I don’t know how I’m not homeless. But I am in thousands of dollars in debt after each person I have dated. Here’s some examples:
- He said it would be temporary and he was going to get a job, just needed a leg up. He ended up living with me for almost six months, I paid for all of his food, travel expenses, paid for his cigarettes, alcohol, and my parents even paid off all his debts. My family offered him jobs and even a car to get to those jobs, but in the end he said I was abusive for trying to “change” him, and he left me.
- I dated him for an entire of three weeks, let him stay with me, and he stole my car.
Those are the only two stories I’ll share because I realize how stupid it sounds. Why would you do so much for a homeless drug addict, Jess? Well jeeze idk, I didn’t judge him that way and loved him with all my heart and soul. The thing is, these men would never hurt me in the ways my past abuser did, and that’s the only thing that mattered to me. If you’re an abuse survivor, you might have similar experiences trying to date someone polar opposite of your ex.
My abuser did EVERYTHING for me. Literally. He had my meds on him, and keys to my house and car, passwords to my social media accounts, decided who my friends were, told me what to wear, etc. But He treated me like a QUEEN. He truly was wonderful to me(most of the time) and he was family. After nine years of whatever our friendship was at said moment, we knew more about each other than anyone else. He was so much more than my best friend. He did so much for me that I felt handicap when he abandoned me. I literally called him months later asking what to do with a broken phone, because everytime my stuff broke, he fixed it and made it all better. He said “Uhhh take it to the Apple store?”. I’m sure the amount of neediness I had over the years of him giving me everything, the relationship was abusive to him as well. The physical abuse towards me stopped after the first year, but the emotional abuse didn’t stop until he disappeared and married someone I never met. It was a very unhealthy relationship and I did my fair share to make it awful too.
So what is the polar opposite of my ex? ME finding someone to take care of. So I found people to take care of.
I don’t share my relationships anymore because it is absolutely humiliating to be dumped by someone who you gave everything to and explain that to your friends. I know he sucks and that I was an idiot, I don’t need you to tell me the obvious. It’s embarrassing. I don’t want to tell you about how I was so in love with someone that I gave them everything I had, and everything I didn’t have (credit debt).
I would rather tell you that I’m engaged to a stranger that you’ve never heard of, than tell you about another break up story. There’s also nothing sadder than seeing people obsessed with their SOs on facebook and then publicly breaking up later.
I understand this is very cynical. But I’m guarding myself.
If you’re reading this like, “Jess, I didn’t ask nor do I care about who you are dating” this is dedicated to the friends and family that legitimately get upset with me for not sharing. But jokes on you for still reading. You just lost the game *dabs*